Hello Friends and Family!

We have be suuuuuuuper busy! Dr. appts, working, organizing, trying not to go insane and end up in a

phyche ward :-/

New things going on with Geoff and Celia are, renewing our lease for our wonderful home we love so

much! Bootcamp for the pups {they seem to have forgotten all their manners} New budget so we can

pay allllllll of the Dr bills that are piling up from fertility treatment. I just tell myself it will all be

worth

it some day. My husband works sooo hard it amazes me and makes me feel soooooooo unbelievably

grateful that he chose me!

Last friday we had our second retrieval. Which means they put me to sleep in order to get all of the

eggs

out that I produced from being on the hormone shots. We got 3 this time instead of a lonely 1 last

time. All 4 are fertilized and frozen but only 2 look viable and the Dr said he is only realllllly

counting on 1 of them to 'take'. Scary facts and it makes me want to cleanse my system and do

anything and everything I can in order to make a very hospitable home for my possible future fetus!

But nooooo I can't do anything different or any cleanses because that will get rid of all the hormones

and progression my body is making towards pregnancy.

I can't begin to explain the stress this journey has put in our lives, I can't wait for the light at the end

of the tunnel. I am bound to see it right.....!!??

Other than that drama, Geoff is doing so amazing at his job and was just promoted. I am very proud

of

him! Speaking of being proud my BEST FRIEND April is graduating and I can't wait to go to Denver

to be apart of her special day!

Aside from everything I am just trying to take baby steps to get through each day.... Sometimes that is

what is necessary.

{Another Detour}

When I last updated everyone we were advised to start another round of the IVF medications and another retrieval. I started my shots 1 week ago and received some news yesterday that would set us back yet again. Considering I have premature ovarian disorder and only one working ovary the hormones created painful cysts that interfered with my ability to produce eggs so ultimately the decision was to stop the medication and wait another month and start allllllllll over....again.

I will admit that my faith and hope are dwindling after each set back so my mind has start to wonder about my other options that I was so quick to dismiss in the first place. Life is funny. Geoff and I are doing everything possible to have the family we have always wanted but it feels like 'someone' has other plans for us. When I say life is funny it's because I see people having babies that didn't plan it, marriage is falling apart, neglect or abuse to the kids they do have and even abortion but the couple who want/need a family because of all the overflowing love they have will inevitable have a difficult time conceiving. Ironic? No.... irritating!

Life isn't fair and dwelling on the fact that we were delt a crappy hand of cards won't get me anywhere productive. We just have to work 10x as hard for what we want and as long as we give our all we know we did all we could. I have started thinking of my other options. Before agreeing to do IVF we talked about adoption and although I think adoption is a wonderful thing I thought it would be hard for me to connect to someone elses blood. I haven't stop thinking about this option because on Easter I had the opportunity to hold and care for a 3month old baby girl and she made my heart melt. I now believe that if I can have a connection like that with a child that isn't mine then if I adopt a baby the feelings will be there and same blood or not that tiny human will capture my heart and that is all that matters!

We aren't even close to being done with this crazy rollercoaster journey. I couldn't do it without my loving husband and his support, my amazing best friends April & Haleigh who are always there for me, and of course both of our parents!! Thank you soooo much!!

Also thank you to Nancy Smith who gives the best advise and I would be going crazy without her!!

Lastly, I am working with a friend who is in school for Holistic Nutrition and she is helping me tremendously with my celiac disease and getting healthy to carry a baby! I am excited for this new journey!

I'll be back soooooon with more updates :)

What's another couple months...

The meeting with Dr. D was of course not what I wanted to hear but then again I never hear what I want

to hear from Dr.s. We always have to take the long way and work twice as hard for anything and everything.

 We decided that another round of IVF is our best chance. We do have one egg fertilized and frozen at the moment waiting for my body to be ready but we also want/need more eggs. Starting the medication again and another retrieval is in the works and that all comes along with more bloodwork, ultrasounds and $$$....FUN. I just have to keep reminding myself that the end result will all be worth it.. we just have to make it there first.

In May we will consider a date for the implant of multiple eggs and then fingers and toes crossed that as many attach as possible!

Dr. D has also put me on CoEnzyme Q 10 which in recent studies has shown to help produce more eggs and estrogen pills because I will need all the help I can get to produce more eggs considering I only have 1 good, working ovary.

The only positive thing that I am taking from having to do more medication and wait longer to implant is that my possible due date could be in February, which is my daddy's birthday month!!

I hope these next few months go by quickly and painlessly. I will continue to update from my blog here until it becomes too difficult to talk about anymore. It helps to get things off my mind but its hard to see the facts right in front of you and sharing them. Thanks for support and understanding.

It can happen to you too...

I will admit that this topic is not something I am comfortable with talking about all out in the open. It is also something I never thought I would have to experience. I didn't plan for this and I try to be prepared for anything!
As I am sure you know, Geoff and I have been together for 10+ years and always discussed having a family, when to start, what to name them, how to parent etc... When we decided to go ahead and start "trying". Not counting days and all that good stuff just a mid set of if it happens it happens. After about a year of that I got a little concerned. So I started counting days and doing fertility tests from the store. Another year went by....nothing. Dr. time, I had to undergo many many fertility tests to learn in the end that if Geoff and I ever want a child of our own IVF (Invitro Fertilization) was our best chance.
Needless to say the news was devastating to us and our parents. No one really knew what to do because the cost of IVF is outrageous. We thought long and hard about what to do, IVF, adopt or even move on buttttttt we decided we have to try IVF or we will always wonder.
Getting a loan for the money was our next step. Luckily I have the most wonderful and caring family on earth and my Aunt Nancy & Uncle Phil graciously offered to help! We call this our baby loan and will be forever grateful to them no matter what the outcome of this process!!
Now the fun began, haa, medication galore.......SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!!! (not the good kind) Shots in my leg shots in my tummy and a very special 4:30am butt shot! Not to mention the bloodwork and ultrasound everyother day in SUMMERLIN!! (35 miles one way ugh) All of this leads to the Retrieval. I had my retrieval on Tuesday Mar 20th and they put me to sleep and retrieved as many eggs as I produced that were still alive. That total was............................1. :-(
Geoff and I have a meeting with my fertility specialist this Thursday to discuss how to proceed. Use the 1 egg and keep our fingers and toes crossed that it attaches and turns into a fetus orrrrrr another round of IVF meds and another retrieval. I am willing to do whichever gives me the highest chance of the best outcome.
In another month this rollercoaster should be coming to an end and we should find out if all of this hard work, time, sickness and money is all worth something!
You never think of things like this when you are young and planning your future. I am grateful for such an understanding and loving husband. This journey is only making us stronger and I know we will get through it :-)
Hopefully I will have some answers and good news after the appt with the Dr. on Thursday! Peace.n.Love